Lightning Talk: Transformation Begins With Me

Good evening, everybody. I'm Nate Ashford, and this is my story.

This is a story of how I changed the world, starting with my world.

I am a lot of things, but basically, I like to make stuff that works, and I like to celebrate it with the awesome people who do it with me. And sometimes we don't get to celebrate very often, and that's where transformation comes in.

The first few times I was involved in a transformation, I was filled with this eager idealism that things are going to be so much better and everyone is going to win. I do still believe in the winning and the better, but it can get a little bit messy, and I can't always save everyone. But I can help someone. And if I can make a difference in the life of one person, that can be enough. And there's only one person I can actually change: me.

Two years ago, I was a mess. I was not having the impact I wanted to have, despite working long hours. I had a vision for change, but it wasn't going anywhere. I was spinning my wheels, and the stress was eating me up, and I was eating to match.

I peaked at 255 pounds. I loved martial arts, but I couldn't ever go to class because I was constantly injured. I was in pain. I was exhausted. I was depressed. I even hid behind the plant in the family photo.

Something had to change. But conveniently, I fancy myself a change agent. I help people change. I'm a people.

So I took myself on as a client, and I started with what I know.

Start with why. I want to live long enough to see my grandkids and to see them grow up and maybe even see their kids.

Core values: I decided that I like vegetables.

Make the work visible. I started tracking my calories, my water intake, my exercise, even my sleep.

Measure what matters. I monitored the outcomes that I wanted in weight, body fat, muscle mass. I set a goal to lose a pound or two a week. I started with just taking a walk, half hour at a time, then an hour, then longer. As the weight started to come off, I started to mix in some running, and then more running.

I started working fewer hours and putting more time into self-care, like a daily routine. In the morning, it was planning and meditation. In the evening, reflection and journal writing. I experimented adding and removing things from my routine as I figured out what worked, and a year later, I had lost a third of my body weight, 85 pounds.

I was happy. I was loving my work. And after 13 years, I finally got my black belt. Life was good. Although I did have a couple things I wanted to talk to my doctor about. I put off the appointment until the day after my black belt test so he couldn't tell me not to do it, and we did a simple little blood test.

Chronic myelogenous leukemia.

Those three words changed my life instantly and permanently. But had I not begun my transformation when I did, I would not have caught the signs, and I might not have found it in time.

The questions in my head: will I live? Yes, thanks to powerful drugs taken every day from here on out.

Will I lose everything I've worked for? For that, I need another principle. Error budgets, big ones.

I can't do karate right now, and I can't run as often as I'd like to. Other things slip as well. I don't always have my A-game, and that's okay.

Will I live with purpose? This is my most recent one, and I choose yes. I choose a life that is about more than managing my symptoms and my side effects.

Today, I'm about to celebrate my one-year cancerversary on Saturday. I do not have it all figured out. Thank you. But my error budgets are smaller. I keep trying, pressing forward, and occasionally panicking and pulling back.

But I've learned this: my cancer is not a liability. It is an asset. I am a better person and a better coach because of it. It has taught me about myself, about empathy, about struggle, about limitations, about letting go. And today, I have more impact to create change in the lives of the people around me than I ever had in my previous life because I have changed, and transformation begins with me.